Sometimes I Feel So Lost
It is true. Sometimes I feel so lost. This feeling is sometimes accompanied by questions such as, “Where do I fit into the world?” “Where am I going?” “What is my purpose?” or simply, “WTF?” Sometimes this lost feeling just is. It stops me. It sometimes brings me to my knees. It’s a place that I don’t talk about much. I assume that not too many people want to hear about it. But what if this assumption is wrong? What if we all have times when we feel pretty lost? What if below the surface of “everything is fine” that we normally show the world, we are longing to be met in the vulnerable lost place?
Dream: I’m with a group of 20-something girlfriends. One starts singing a song I know well. She belts it out singing “Sometimes I feel so lost” and my eyes well up with tears. I catch eyes with another one of the girls as her eyes fill with tears too.
When I reenacted this dream at a retreat, I heard the song being sung. I sang the song. I shouted the song. And I locked eyes with a girl with tears in her eyes. In the end, the girls were all gathering around me, holding me, and each other in this lost place.
We all have a song inside of us. A song that wants to be sung. Maybe at times there is joy and love and beauty in the song. And sometimes it’s a sad or painful song. Or a song about how we feel so lost.
Most people that I interact with appear pretty happy. Friends, family, colleagues, random people I see at the grocery store…most people seem “fine.” And if you met me, you would probably think the same thing. That is the face I usually offer the world. In general, this is how most of us operate. We rarely show our vulnerability to the world. But the world of our dreams knows the truth. My dream world knows that I have a song in me that wants to be sung. It’s a song about this lost feeling. The characters in my dreams are like my inner mentors, showing me and training me to sing out about this. They are helping me feel this feeling with others that know this place and can feel it too. This cuts through the bullshit of outside appearances and gives us the experience of truth.
Our dreams are very wise. This dream is posing a question. I don’t think it is a question just for me. What if we can live this way? What if we can feel free to be in this vulnerable lost place and be supported there by others that have felt or do feel this way too?
Am I willing to do as the dream suggests? Be in my vulnerability and sing my song of being lost? In a way, this writing piece is part of my song. I hope you can hear it.
Kat Samworth PT, NBC-HWC, is a Certified Natural Dreamwork Practitioner and Certified Health Coach living in Wilmington, Delaware.