DREAMING OF THE WOLF by Leigh Randolph

DREAMING OF THE WOLFby Leigh RandolphMy fascination with dreams began long ago and curiosity compelled me to write them down; I recorded the mysteries of the dream world, opening a lens to the gifts and challenges of life’s journey as experienced through those dreams. Stepping into their expansiveness I now see cycles and patterns, images repeating. Lately, wolves come to me in the night,  another mystery. I have always loved wolves, interacting with them in the wild, in sanctuaries, as companions belonging to others. I discovered as a teen that my surname is Teutonic. "Randolph"  means "shielded by the wolf gods." I felt that meaning in my bones when I first heard it. Wolves are magnificent creatures who evolved into the dogs who have made us their pack-- connection. And they aren’t dogs; they are wild creatures, a powerful primal energy. Why are they in my dreams? What are wolves coming to teach me?Looking back through years of journals I found the first dream:Inside with a man and woman I don’t know, looking out through a window I see a wolf and a bear that belong to them. I see them, but they aren’t really there; they are spirits.A wolf in my dream, seen through glass and more ethereal than real; perhaps I wasn’t ready then to have the energy of a real wolf in my dream life. A year later:I am told of a wolf with a hurt paw. I go toward it and see the Loch Ness monster and then discover the wolf is a dog. These dreams excited me, but I see now it was like grabbing at air, still not real. Later in the year:I see through a doorframe into the woods and a dark wolf turns to stare at me. He lets me know he is watching, but still there is distance.A few years later comes a dream:Worried about two wolf puppies I ordered coming from Alaska. No one wants to take one of the puppies and I know they are mine.Even in my dreams I know the connection is real but there is still no substance; the pups aren’t actually in the dream. Soon after I began Natural Dreamwork:I see outlines of a lion, a cougar and a wolf, instructed to run through each outline. I am excited and joyous to see the suggestion of these wild animals to run through.Through all of these dreams I am taken with the idea of the wolf and in exploring all these dreams now see that it was only an idea. I had no real contact with this primal energy nor was I aware how distant I was from being fully engaged with life or how little I knew then about being in relationship with myself or others. As my mentor gently led me to this new awareness I dreamt of watching a small animal fall and when I climbed down to pick it up discovered it was a wolf pup. A new energy was entering my life as I began to learn more about this energy I had suppressed in my life. Weeks later:I look out the picture window in the front room. I see a wolf get up from under the hemlock and walk under the window. As I watch the hair on its back rub up against the bottom of the window I feel the sweep of its coat up against the skin of my midline. I like the feel of his coat.My history brought apprehension of both sexual and sensual energy, of energy suppressed. The wolf, a wild creature who lives by his senses was awakening me to the sensuality of touch and how I lived between desiring touch and being afraid of it. What before brought fear and shame was beginning to open to something new in my body as all my senses began to awaken. My awareness grew as:I see a very large wolf standing over my dog who is unconcerned while the wolf nuzzles him in a caring, nurturing way. In my dreams I know my dog is leading me to a new truth around old beliefs and with this dream I was beginning to see how old beliefs had armored me from connection and nurturing. As old fears began to recede I was learning to allow and accept nurturing; a new idea. Small dreams often come with powerful messages.A year later:A woman and I walk toward a pond where two wolves stand at the edge. The other woman backs into the woods, frightened. I am not afraid of them, I have been around them before, consider them friends. I tell her we can continue our walk; they won’t bother us. She shakes her head “no”. She stays in the woods and I continue toward the wolves and the shoreline. The woman who says “no” is the old me, the part that constrained my creativity, my intuition, hiding from fear, pain and trauma by holding back from my desires, from speaking my truth. The new me is becoming a woman who runs with wolves, moving toward a new energy, unsocialized, expressive, moving away from the rigidity of rules and toward this primal energy that is more authentic than I have ever been.A month later:I look up at the night sky through different eyes. Millions of pinpoints of light stir me in a primordial way. A mother wolf noses her pups up under an overhang, out of the weather. I climb on top of her and she noses me in with the others. I have become a wolf pup, part of the pack engaging with other wolves. In waking life I found my relationship with myself and others becoming increasingly intimate as I, like the pup, was learning to be authentically me, learning to reconnect with nature and my own wildness.As this year began:I see an adolescent girl from behind; long legs and shorts. She turns toward me and has the head and mane of a wolf. She is beautiful, magnificent, real. A dream where I am both, no shame, no apologies, just how I want to be in the world; real, willing to experience adventure in life, acutely aware of all my senses, opening to being really embodied. Two months later:I stand at the edge of deep woods, my hand on the shoulder of a wolf; he will journey with me into the woods as my friend. In another dream:I am outside and a wolf runs from the woods to me, stares into my eyes and puts his head on my shoulder as I bury my face into his coat, breathing his wolf-ness. I am wary of his wildness and yet know he wants to be near me. I bury my hand in his coat and we walk back toward the woods. These are moments of intensity for me, joined in friendship, connection. In the last dream is more connection to my senses and a simplicity of oneness:I am a wolf, moving quietly through the woods, golden light coming through the leaves. Even how I see the world has changed, colors more intense and complex allowing me to open more to my creativity. There is a stillness in this dream that lets me be part of all things as I have become the wolf.I began my dream journal because I was curious and didn’t understand the strangeness of what I was experiencing in my dreams but knew they felt important. This journey with the wolves and the guidance of my mentor chronicles how they have helped me step into my own wolf-ness, my own authenticity, my own love and respect for life,  maybe for the first time. Over the years I have come to deeply respect the dream realm, not only learning from each dream but also realizing the support for me to grow and awaken.Leigh Randolph is a Natural Dreamwork practitioner living in Florida. She works with clients in person, through phone and Skype. For more information you can contact her at: JourneywithLeigh@aol.com   Her website is http://dreamjourneywithleigh.com