to speak as soul...

Part of what happens to us when our connection to soul is frayed is that we develop language skills to explain the loss…words that are articulate, precise and they can sound convincing…that we have an understanding of what is going on for us. But they often don’t…these words speak as the intellect speaks…as the mind speaks…and they sink no lower than mind. They do not sink into and soak our heart. They are not the language of the soul…they do not speak as the soul speaks. 

The intellect casts a spell of language…often with multiple syllables…over our wound and it sounds like we know what we’re talking about…maybe we do. Most of us know how to talk about our wound. But we don’t know how to be with our wound…we don’t know what we’re feeling…and what we’re feeling is the language of the soul…as soul speaks…which is revealed in its simplicity, clarity…a child’s way of expressing self.

Dream - I’m a boy, about 12, sliding up the street. I’m kicking a block of ice up the street. Out of the corner of my eye, I see two boys playing hockey with a puck. I ignore them.  I’m having fun on my own with my ice. The ice breaks into two. I keep kicking it up the street. I know the boys want in on the action with my ice.

This is a scene from a dream I explored recently with a dream client…a much longer dream that was to bring her to a scene of a painful and terrible wound. But in order for her to be able to drop into that place with any depth…to receive the possibility of healing, the dream first needed to challenge her belief that skating alone…avoiding relationship…was preferable to being with the boys.

The dreamer said that being by herself was fun and soothing. I asked her to stop for a moment and look at the boys and to share what came up in that moment. She felt “awkward, I don’t like new people, I prefer to have fun by myself.” She says the boys want in on her action, look curious and are following her. I asked if there was a part of her that was curious and would like them in on the action? “Maybe, but no…they would ruin my fun; I don’t trust them.” 

Earlier in the dream there was a scene where an inexplicable feeling of being upset and sad was rising in her so I asked her to feel back into that place and then look again at the boys. She got very quiet and then said, “I don’t like being alone, but I’m used to it. I don’t trust them.” I asked what would happen if she were to be with them. “I will be sabotaged, tread all over, desacralized.” I said that’s the language of an adult, of the intellect. I asked her to take a breath into this boy she is in the dream…how would he say this? Again she was quiet and then said, “I’m afraid they’ll be mean to me…that they’ll hurt me”…and then she felt it…the deep hurt to her heart…to her soul. The intellect’s spell of language was broken and she spoke as soul speaks…and soul speaks through our feelings. Her heart opened to the hurt and the understanding that this hurt was something she has carried for a long time and from that place we were able to continue to deepen into the dream…together…to take a step closer to the place of the wound. 

Mary Jo Heyen is a Natural Dreamwork Practitioner working with clients throughout the country and abroad in person, phone or Skype. Learn more about her work with dreams at www.maryjoheyen.com or www.thenaturaldream.com