the girl's sweater...

Dream - I am in the women’s clothing department of a large store.  I am looking for a business suit.  All the clothes are huge and not styles I would wear.  I see some really cute feminine sweaters but I think they’re too small. I pick up one that has a pastel pink stain on it.  Joe walks over and we walk around again and I show him the clothes, somehow thinking that this time I’ll find something.  I show him the sweater with the pink stain and say, “This is the one I really like.” 

This dream is from when I first began working with my dreams as my spiritual practice…following my dreams as they led me back to soul…along the way healing the frayed connection between the inner and outer.  

It begins with me looking for a business suit…and that makes sense. Back then I not only saw myself as someone efficient, about the business at hand…an adult in charge…it was a source of pride…it brought me much success and appreciation from the outer world.  Yet my dreams were beginning to show a different, deeper aspect of who I knew myself to be…one more vulnerable…tender…and closer to soul. 

At first when I see the feminine sweaters I think they’re too small. As we explored this moment in session I also felt that they weren’t for me…that my clothes had to be practical, tailored, monotone. But then I see these sweaters and something in them draws me to them…so much so that I bring Joe back to see them.

And the sweaters are small…they are sweaters for a girl. To wear one of these I would have to know that part of me that is small…that is the girl.

In Natural Dreamwork we pay special attention to the children in our dreams, the boys, the girls, the androgynous, as they carry an aspect of soul and reflect our relationship to soul. The small sweater I’m drawn to…the one with the pink stain…right over the heart…is the girl’s sweater.

In session I was asked, “What it would be like to wear this sweater?”  At first a harsh inner voice said, "you can’t wear a sweater with a stain"…so I closed my eyes and felt into it…took a breath in this place…then arose a feeling that there is the part of me that would love to wear this sweater…especially with the pink stain. I felt pretty and girlish in it…moved differently. An adult who thinks they need a business suit might not want to wear a sweater with a pink stain but a girl who loves the sweater would wear it...it's her sweater.

I felt more deeply into this moment…during session and in my dropping back down into the feeling over the next few days. In the dream, of all of the sweaters, it was the only sweater I picked up. I felt into how important the pink stain is for me…it’s messy, worn, lived in…and very loved. 

This dream is a touchstone for me. In my midnight loft, along with other dream images, I have this little drawing on display. It is a part of my dream journey that helps return to me the qualities of the girl soul…the sweetness...tenderness...vulnerablity...her capacity to feel it all...the need of the soul…to love and to be loved.

                                                            

Mary Jo Heyen is a Natural Dreamwork Practitioner working with clients throughout the country and abroad in person, phone or Skype. Learn more about her work with dreams at www.maryjoheyen.com or  www.thenaturaldream.com