mother's day...another voice - part 2
Mothers are lost to their daughters
when they’re lost to themselves. Geneen Roth
This writing and the previous one speaks out loud of my own work...and more. It speaks out loud for all those who have trauma around the mother, who are ready to or who have stepped out from behind story, beyond blame and shame and confusion...and are willing to feel the feelings of this terrible wound, this rejection by the mother. Feelings that have included pain, fear, sadness, loss and so much more...including a reluctance to speak...for fear as I said ‘of being lost in the sea of those who have love with their mothers...fear that there is no room for the voices of us who had the ‘other mother’, the source of pain, sadness and loss.’
In a companion dream to the one where the teen girl encourages me to speak by asking me, “So what do you have to say about the mother?”... I am facing angry mother energy...I feel fear...the need to placate...and so I speak. It is not received, is met with more anger and I immediately regret speaking.
My eyes are closed as I face her and I cannot open them.
My body is no longer willing to look at, take in this dark energy.
My heart knows that no words are welcome here, no words can be heard here.
The girl in my dream is inviting me to speak about the mother wound and no longer to this energy, trying to be in relationship with it. She is showing me how there are ways I still try to do this...with myself, with others...and that it’s just not possible.
And still I (we) try, still we hope...until we gently lay it down.
Perhaps there is nothing more tenacious and core than a child’s desire to love and be loved by his/her mother.
Opening to our soul, with the support and love of our dreams, we learn we don’t have to let that go. We can hold that in our heart...untouched and pure...we love our mother...we need our mother’s love. The soul loves and the soul needs...
I return to the dream moment…
Trusting my closed eyes...
Staying in my fear...and not speaking
Silence…then
Closed eyes opening to see...
Close mouth opening to speak...
The soul of the girl who can see and who speaks her truth…
The tender and vulnerable desire of every soul…
To be the girl who needs to love and be loved…
The girl who runs up to everyone, literally and metaphorically...
Expecting to love and expecting to be loved.
Mary Jo Heyen
Archetypal Dreamwork Practitioner
Dream sessions in person, via Skype or on the phone